Short Video of Brody on Spring Break Last year....Listen to that Laugh!!

Link to a video of our last Easter with Brody in our home

Past Pics on the "Picture Tree"

Here are some past pics on our "Picture Tree" when the tree still had it's other half....

Pics on the "Picture Tree"

We like to take pics each year of the boys on this tree by the river.  We were shocked to find that half the tree had been cut-off this year. We decided to take pics this year on the same tree anyway.  The picture of Brody in his Obituary was taken on this tree (he was sitting on the part that is now cut off).  We plan to put that picture of Brody on his grave stone too.  

Geordi and Jaden Playing at the Park Today

I sat on this bench today and thought of Brody

Brody's Favorite Swing

Brody loved the baby swings at the park in Grand Rapids, Ohio.  He could still fit in them in the summer of 2013.  We didn't get to take him there in 2014 (He was in Columbus all summer).  I am thinking he may have finally outgrew them by 2014 if we had been able to take him.  But he loved that these swings had very long chains and you could swing super high.  I loved that about the swings there too.  Plus the regular (non-baby swings) had a flat very large seat that my bottom could fit into comfortably.  lol! They are very comfy swings.  Brody preferred the baby swings because the regular ones felt too big to him and it was easier to hold onto his nephrostomy bag in the baby swing.

I wish Brody and I could have enjoyed those swings together again today.

Geordi and Jaden enjoying hanging by the river on Easter

Happy Easter and New Cherished Memories!

Jaden eagerly and excitedly awakened the Pizzifred household bright and early Easter morning.  The anticipation of what that Easter bunny may have left was just too much to possibly consider letting us all sleep-in.  Our attempts to convince Jaden that we all needed just a little more sleep were futile.  At least he decided to wake us up first before heading downstairs.  We certainly didn't want to miss what is probably his last Easter of believing in the Easter Bunny.  We all dragged ourselves downstairs as Jaden buzzed from room to room checking everything out.  He emptied and inspected everything in his Easter basket in no time flat!  Then he was calling to Geordi, "Come on, Geordi!  Look at all the eggs!  Get a bag!  Let's go!"   Geordi was still half asleep but grabbed a bag and the egg hunt began.  Jaden was running a mile a minute and Geordi was still trying to get his eyes open (as were mom and dad).  Geordi was a great big brother this morning and convinced himself to just wake up and get busy hunting eggs.  He was enjoying seeing his little brother so excited.  Also, he knew Jaden would be disappointed if he didn't have a brother/buddy enjoying the egg hunt with him.  It didn't take them long to find a bunch of eggs.  I think they found them all.  But you never know.  There always seems to be that random egg here or there you find over the next few days.  

We spent last Easter in the hospital with Brody.  It was a good day though.  Brody felt pretty good and we were all together having a good time.  

Two years ago, Brody was so excited about Easter morning, that he was having a very hard time falling asleep.  Eventually, he decided he just had to come down the stairs and at least take a peek at what the Easter Bunny had brought so that he could then go to sleep.  He ended up hunting for all the eggs in the middle of the night.  He didn't collect them but instead scouted out the locations of all the eggs.  He didn't take anything out of his Easter basket either, but took a good look at everything in there.  Then he was finally calm enough to go to sleep.  The next morning he had the 411 and big advantage over his brothers in the egg hunt.  He decided to try to make it more fair by telling his brothers what he had done and give them lots of pointers as to where all the eggs were hidden.  Being the youngest of three boys though, I think it was about time he had the advantage.  Usually his older brothers collected far more eggs than he did each year.  But not this time.  Brody got just as many eggs that year.  The boys and I have the fondest memories of that Easter.  It was the last Easter Brody had at our house and he was just so excited that year.  Geordi and Jaden have been talking about their memories of that Easter for the last several days and again today.  

We all miss Brody and witnessing his excitement for this holiday.  Easter is not the same without him.  Really no day is the same without him.  Our family has so many things for which we are grateful and happy. We are lucky in many ways.  For the most part, we are happy people.  But under that is that constant anguish and the heaviness in our hearts.  Underneath every smile, are tears that could erupt at any moment.  It's always there!  I can be happy and excited in one sentence and then suddenly not able to finish my next sentence.  I without warning and very suddenly become verklempt and unable to speak.  My emotions are so raw that I physically cannot speak or get the next word out.  This happens to me numerous times a day.  I am more likely to become unable to speak than to actually start crying.  Although crying  is often right behind the unable to speak scenario.  So if you are ever talking to me and I am all excited and then suddenly not speaking or finishing my sentence a few seconds later, you'll know just to give me some time.  I now live my life always on this verge. I wish I could at least manage to get a few words out...even just to say, "I need a minute."  Instead I get stuck with someone looking at me like I am crazy as I suddenly just stop talking.   I really don't think this is going away anytime soon either.  I would be surprised if it ever does.  It always happens so unexpectedly too.  It's so random and often it happens when I am talking about something that has nothing to do with Brody.  I can talk and talk about Brody and be just fine.  I am generally very happy to talk about Brody.  The raw emotions burst on through usually during other conversations which makes it all the more awkward when I suddenly lose the ability to speak.   I go through this life now striving for staying in the happy and mostly that's where I am but there is constant sadness and anguish always just under the surface.  I wish I had better words to describe it.  Life does not feel anywhere close to the same and I imagine it never will again.    

Today was a happy day.  I still felt the constant angst underneath but happy was surfing on top of it.  

After the egg hunt this morning, I decided I needed a nap.  It was wonderful nap!  I had dreams of Brody hunting eggs in the clouds.  He was swimming through the clouds, giggling and collecting eggs with lots of other children.  He looked to be having the most awesome egg hunt ever soaring through the clouds!  I awoke from the dream feeling joy, a calmness, and peace.  

I headed downstairs to find my boys were getting hungry despite their candy feast this morning.  I decided to make us a brunch, throw some dinner in the crock pot, and then we all wanted to head over to the cemetery.  

We took a white, wooden, bunny to the cemetery for Brody.  We were surprised to find Brody already had an Easter visitor at the cemetery that morning.  There was a stuffed yellow duck with a note attached setting next to his grave when we arrived.  It turned out to be from his buddy, Morgan Grass.  She was our neighbor and played with Brody, Geordi, and Jaden nearly everyday for several years.  She left him a precious note with the duck wishing him a very Happy Easter in heaven.  We all spent a bit of time at the cemetery talking to and about Brody.  It was warm and sunny and it just felt good to be outside.  

We decided it was too nice outside to not spend the majority of our day outside.  We headed to Grand Rapids, Ohio and spent our day hiking along the river.  We stopped and watched the rapids, talked, and enjoyed each other's conversation too.  We talked of past fun times and about many plans for upcoming summer fun.  We enjoyed a couple camping trips at Mary Jane Thurston State Park which is located on the river.  We reminisced about those trips and started making plans for another camping trip there this summer.  Brody's favorite swings (and mine) are at a park in Grand Rapids by the river.  We have had many fond memories at that park.  Today we made new ones.  I really enjoyed sitting by the river talking with Geordi, Jaden, and Bill this afternoon.  Today was a pleasant and happy day.