Brody has been feeling pretty good yesterday and today. He has had no major pain, he's eating well, and has been in a very good mood. I can't express how wonderful it is to see him feeling so good especially after seeing him very recently feeling so bad. In Bill's last post he stated that the day Brody came home from the hospital he had "discomfort" when going to the bathroom. I wouldn't describe it as "discomfort." It was more like EXTREME PAIN whenever he had to go pee. (I think Bill is prefering to concentrate on the good stuff and not draw focus to the bad. Healthier approach, I'm sure but honestly Brody was in a lot of pain). Brody was screaming in pain and crying for hours about how much it hurt that he needed to pee but couldn't pee and then when he did finally pee it was extremely painful. I was in tears watching him going through this and was powerless to do anything to help him. Brody told me many times that evening, "Mommy, I think I would be happier with God." He has said this statement to me many times this past week. He has had many times this past week that he was just in too much pain and there wasn't anything we could do to make it better. Also, the sensation came back that he felt like he had to have a bowel movement every couple of minutes and had to push like he wanted to move his bowels but there's usually wasn't anything to push out Just the pressure from the tumor kept making him feel like he needed to move his bowels. He also felt like he had to pee for much of the day but couldn't pee or it hurt a lot when he did pee. He seemed to be in a constant state of discomfort with interuptions of extreme pain. I don't blame him a bit for feeling he "would be happier with God" at times. It was amazing to me how he spent so much of his day in "discomfort" but he was happy anyway. Despite feeling like he needed to go potty for much of the day even if he didn't need to go, he still spent most of the day happily playing with his brothers and watching movies while in the hospital. I don't think I know any adults (myself included) that would be able to handle all of that anywhere close to as well as he did. He's nothing short of AMAZING. Fortunately,late Wednesday night Brody finally felt better and the bouts of extreme pain subsided and he went to sleep. I spent most of that night after that experience laying in bed crying and worrying about how in the world Brody's pain could be controlled as his tumor gets larger. I greatly fear my son dying but my far bigger fear is him being in so much pain for so long waiting for an inevitable death. I fear him suffering as he's waiting on a death that can't be avoided. I know at the very end you could pretty much knock him out with pain medication so that he's asleep and not really aware. But what do you do in the in between time when the pain is not constant and you still want him to live his life enjoy the good times he still has which are unfortunately interupted frequently with sudden bouts of extreme pain that can at times be very long and aren't phased by conventional pains meds. Despite all my fears, I do still feel that there is hope that Brody can survive this. I know the odds are not in our favor but there's still good reason to hope and pray for the best. And, thank goodness the last 2 days Brody has felt really good. No major pain (only a slight bit of pain when he pees or has bowel movement), he doesn't keep feeling like he needs to move his bowels or go pee even when he doesn't need to do so, he has control of his bowel function, he's eating (eating a lot actually), and he has been very HAPPY. The part of Brody's tumor I can feel is only very slightly smaller since a few days ago. But this slight change is a big change in how Brody feels.
Brody went in to the hospital today to get labs done. The results were ok. He didn't need blood today. While Brody was there today, his doctor and I discussed several possible options Brody still has left to try to get rid of his "stupid tumor" (Brody's term for it). One of them was very interesting indeed. Brody's doctor is looking into the possibility of having Brody getting an Angiogram to get a "map" of the blood supply to Brody's tumor and then seeing if he can find a surgeon that will see a way to surgically cut-off the blood supply to his tumor. I am more than excited about this possibility. Please cross fingers, pray, and whatever you can think of to bring us luck that this is something that could work for Brody. Brody will be headed back to hospital again on Tuesday for labs. I am hoping we will hear more news on this option by then.
All Fingers Crossed. And Toes.
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