Brody's Funeral & Eulogy

Brody's Funeral was yesterday and other than the extremely cold weather went off exactly as we wanted.

We know Brody's short life has affected many people greatly and while this is a sad time for us, knowing he has brought great joy and inspiration to people is a wonderful legacy.

We knew Brody was slipping away the last few weeks of his life and so Trish started writing  his Eulogy. She wrote this last week overnight while Brody was sleeping and many people came to me after the service asking us for copies of it as it is truly inspirational so we are sharing this below.

I know many people wanted to come to his funeral and were unable to and so I wanted to post the songs we played immediately before and after his eulogy during his service as well. During his eulogy we played a slideshow of pictures taken during his life of him and his friends and family having fun. I will try to post the slideshow online at a later date but we hope everyone that sees this finds some inspiration from Brody's Life Lessons.

Bill

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When someone is taken from us, as Brody was, at such a young age, understandably we are not comfortable with words or phrases that point towards a celebration of their life.  Immense anger, deep hurt, inconsolable grief, rage, disbelief, these are just a few of the words and feelings that are associated with thoughts of Brody’s death.   How can an eight year old sweet, little boy be taken from us?   He was diagnosed with cancer just after celebrating his fourth birthday.  He gracefully and tenaciously fought cancer for 4 and half years, actually, nearly 5 years.  Brody’s 9^th birthday would be on March 3^rd, 2015.  He endured so much suffering only to be taken so young. 

But hidden in all the pain and sorrow that we feel, there is undeniably something to celebrate.   We can celebrate the fact that we have known Brody and that he was a part of our lives.   In his very short life, he has made such an impact on the lives of so many people.  Knowing Brody, has forever changed me and impacted how I face each and every day in my life.   I am not the only one.  Countless people have shared with me stories and kinds words of how Brody has inspired and changed their lives. 

Let me share a poem I wrote in July 2014 which was inspired by Brody during one of his many painful days in his battle against cancer. 

IN THE MOMENT

I try to fight back my tears
As you bravely fight the pain
I stand in awe
As you triumph; you are the victor
A pain comes in waves so intense and extreme
You push through and are all SMILES in between

I ask why, why, why, Cancer!
You accept it and live life's Joy, Joy, Joy!
I grieve for the what could have been
You enjoy the here and now
My heart aches as I watch you endure a very bad day
On which, you shoot grins that feel my heart with utter joy

As I hope and pray for memories I fear may not be made
You make me laugh and smile at the memories made
Just when I think I can bear no more ugliness in this world
You teach me to see the beauty in life
Through this journey together I have never felt such pain
But also, have never experienced such Joy

Before you, I did not truly live
But now I SEE
Life is so short
And very sweet
I will not waste precious time
On angry thoughts, on things I cannot change

I will be in the present, in the here and now
I will enjoy and truly live

Because of Brody, I have finally learned to live.    Sadly, most people go through life having never really experiencing what life has to offer.    Not Brody.  Brody lived his life to the fullest.  He was HAPPY!   He was HAPPY despite so many, many reasons he could tell himself to not be HAPPY.  Brody taught me how to live a happy life.  

 I used to feel like I was sleep-walking through life.  I was on auto-pilot and felt I was constantly running out of time for endless to do lists.  I felt trapped and overworked and was constantly working towards some supposed better future one day.  I would tell myself to just keep dredging on through and one day things will settle down and life will be good.  I lived a rushed and overambitious life and was certainly not taking the time to “smell the roses” so to speak. 

Everybody who knew Brody, knows he had a smile and a laugh like no other.    You could feel the happiness radiate from him.  Brody wasn’t always smiling and laughing though.  He had times he just simply did not feel well and like everybody he had days he woke up not in the best of moods.   But, I could always tell that he was still overall just a happy person even when life was tough.   Knowing Brody means you can’t help but to be inspired to live a happy life. 

Watching Brody I wondered how he could be so happy in the face of so many things one would normally consider obstacles to happiness.  I started trying to see life through Brody’s eyes and constantly imagining what he was thinking or feeling.  I learned many important life lessons from Brody for those seeking a happy life.  I am going to call these Brody Life Lessons. 

Brody Life Lesson Number one is …. Ignore the things you cannot change…. Brody knew he had cancer and that he could not change this.  He knew it could kill him and he couldn’t change this fact.  He chose not to dwell on it and not to complain about it.  He simply saw no point in constantly worrying or complaining about something he could not change.  (I, on the other hand, had great difficulty with this and I have since learned that Brody is right and it serves no good purpose to dwell on something you cannot change). 

Brody Life Lesson Number two…You cannot change the past…… Brody didn’t waste time worrying or complaining about the past either.  He had many painful moments.  He got through them and didn’t waste time reflecting on how awful it was.  He lived in the moment and strived to enjoy each moment. 

Brody Life Lesson Number three…Remember the good times and learn from the bad times….Brody loved to look at old photos, reminisce and hear or retell stories of past fun times.  It feels good to remember the good times.  Brody had a gift too for seeing the good when remembering the bad times.  He learned from past mistakes and naturally laughed at himself for some of his own silly mistakes.  I will never forget him looking back at a video we took of the boys playing in front of Cumberland Falls.  Brody thought we were taking a photo in front of Cumberland Falls and was trying his best to give us a great smile for the photo.    To three year old Brody that meant he needed to say, “cheeeeeese, cheeeeese, cheeeeeese. “  He was screaming “cheeeese” over and over in the video as Bill keeps trying to tell Brody it’s a video not a picture but Brody is screaming “cheeeese” too loudly to hear Bill telling him it’s a video.  So, of course, he just keeps screaming “cheeeese.”  At eight years old, Brody watched the video and couldn’t stop laughing at himself.  Brody’s laugh is infectious and so we all joined in laughing with him.  We laughed so hard we cried watching that video. 

Brody Life Lesson Number four ….Plan for the future, but live in the present…..This one is a biggie!   Brody was a pro at living in the moment.  This was definitely one thing I very much admired about Brody.  But even though he lived in the moment, he still had dreams.  He dreamed and planned for the future too.  He loved to talk about growing up to own his own restaurant.  He wanted to call it, “Brody’s Good Eats.”  Of course, this restaurant would feature all of Brody’s favorite foods.  Sloppy Dogs (which are Sloppy Joes on hotdog buns), Biscuits and Gravy, Mac N Cheese, Tacos, Pizza, Spaghetti with Meatballs and Garlic Bread, Chocolate Cake, Rice Krispie Treats, Chocolate Chip Cookies and Chocolate Milk would all be standards on his restaurant menu.  And, of course, his restaurant would have lots of fun things to do too.  He wanted a dog farm.  After folks enjoyed the yummy food at Brody’s Good Eats they could mosey on over to his dog farm featuring numerous breeds of dogs all trained to do all sorts of tricks.  He loved to talk about all the crazy tricks his dogs would learn to do.  He liked to compare his dog farm idea to Parrot Mountain that we visited in Pigeon Forge, TN.  He loved that place!   It has lots and lots of birds trained to talk and sing and you could feed the birds by hand.  He was sure though that his dog farm would be even more awesome.  He would talk about how many more tricks dogs could learn to do compared  to birds and also that “dogs are mans’ best friend.”  Brody didn’t plan to stop with his dog farm though.  He said, once his restaurant and dog farm made enough money he would buy giraffes for a giraffe farm too.  Then he could make money selling carrots to feed the giraffes.  He said, the giraffe farm would really be just for him because he loves giraffes but he would let other people feed and pet them too.  Then after his restaurant, dog farm and giraffe farm were all doing well, he would add go karts, laser tag, bowling, and an arcade.  This marvelously fun place would be called, “Brody’s Fun Spot.” 

Brody Life Lesson Number Five…Set goals and see the reward…..Brody got through hard times and strived for what he wanted in life by setting goals.  He would start with smaller goals leading up to larger goals.  And, most importantly too, he made sure he had a vision in his mind of the reward he would get for achieving his goals.  As just one tiny example, if he had a bunch of liquid medicine to swallow that looked to be too much to swallow at once, he would break this task into smaller more manageable goals with built in rewards along the way.   If it was 15ml he needed to swallow, then he would try to swallow at least 5ml of it at a time taking 5 minute fun breaks between each 5mls.   It used to drive Bill and I crazy that it would take so long for Brody to take his medicine.  We wanted him to just take it all and get it over with rather than breaking it up.  We learned to just let Brody do it his way.  He got through all kinds of obstacles and hardships in life by breaking it down into smaller bits to deal with at a time.  And, he made sure to enjoy himself during the rewards he incorporated into his plan of attack.  The reward was always on his mind as he got through whatever it was he didn’t want to do.  Bill and I learned to trust Brody and let him continue to set his own goals and rewards. 

Brody Life Lesson Number Six…Don’t live for others… Brody lived his life doing the things he loved.  He didn’t worry about what others expected him to be doing.  He never worried about living up to someone else’s expectations.  Brody knew we loved him no matter what.  He didn’t feel he needed to do something to earn our love.  He knew we just loved him.  Whenever I told Brody I loved him, he would always say, “I know.”  I remember I used to think it was a strange response.  I wondered why he wouldn’t just respond back with “I love you too.”  But really, his response of “I know” was even better.  It’s wonderful to know that he knew I loved him.  It was evident in his behavior too that he knew without a doubt we loved him.  Brody never had anything to hide and nothing to prove.  He was loved and loved himself too.  He knew he was free to be himself and we got to see the true Brody with nothing to hide.  Being able to just be yourself is crucial to a happy life.  Brody didn’t live his life trying to make others happy.  He lived his life doing what made him happy.   

So….we just talked about the Brody Life Lesson of… Don’t Live for Others…..Well, another Brody Life Lesson is Live for Others.  It sounds contradictory, I know.  But there does need to be a little balance here.  Brody was so successful with the Don’t Live for Others rule partially because he knew he was loved.  Love is obviously crucial for happiness.  Brody knew we loved him and we also knew he loved us back.  We made sure we showed Brody we loved him both by our actions and our words.  Brody did the same for us too.  Brody really wasn’t fond of giving hugs. But he knew his mommy liked nothing more than a hug from one of her kiddos.  Brody hugs were always extra sweet though since he didn’t readily give them out very often.  When you got to be a recipient of a Brody hug, you knew he was telling you in a big way that he really loves you.    He didn’t give hugs out without thinking about it.  They were grand gestures of love and his way of showing you that he truly loved you and you are extra special to him.  This was one way Brody lived for others too.  He realized it was important to be sure to show others you do love and care for them.  He didn’t let others dictate how he would live his life but he made sure he lived his life in a way that showed he did love and care for others too. 

Talking about Brody hugs brings to mind another important Brody Life Lesson…Master the Art of Persuasion…. It goes without saying if you can master this it may increase your happiness in life.  And, believe me, Brody was a master!  He sure did know how to persuade anyone to see things his way.  Brody hugs were a key player in this Brody mastered skill.  He bargained for all kinds of things with his hugs.   He was really good at playing his “cancer card” too.  This one pretty much drove his brothers crazy, I am sure.  But it worked.  Brody had no shame in calling his “cancer card” either.  If Brody wanted the pick of shows on TV or the first turn at a game, all he had to do was say, “cancer card” and give us his adorable, pathetic look.  We all caved every time.  He didn’t pull this trick in a sad and depressive way but more a light-hearted, joking and laughing way.  It was too cute not to give in to him every time. 

Brody Life Lesson Number Nine…Block Out Haters.  Brody was very good at blocking out the haters.  He accepted that some people are just cruel (and hoped some of them would snap out of their cruelness one day).  Brody experienced some bullies on the Whitehouse playground a few times.  Usually, it was teenagers that were much older, bigger, and should be wiser than him.  Chemo treatments, radiation treatments, and multiple surgeries are obviously hard on the body.  Sometimes Brody looked sickly and a little funny.  He had problems with his speech, reaction times, walking, facial twitches, and was often very weak and got tired and short of breath easily.  He had to wear pull-ups most of the time due to all the pressure from the tumor.  He had nephrostomy bags which are basically bags to hold his urine since his tumor blocked the flow of urine through normal means.   All of these things seemed to be ripe ammo for some playground bullies at times.  Brody experienced numerous stares and many, many nasty comments on several occasions.  He had to develop a thick skin, so to speak, pretty quickly.  The first few incidences resulted in Brody crying and being scared to go to the playground if there were any other people there.  As he had more time to think about things, he started to get angry and felt hate for the perpetuators.  This was totally understandable, of course.  As more time went on though, his hate turned to pity. He started to feel sorry for these kids and hoped that one day they would feel secure enough about themselves that they would no longer feel the need to put down others to make themselves feel better.   He got to the point that the comments and stares really didn’t faze him anymore.  He did not care what the haters had to say.  Their opinion no longer mattered.  I will never forget the day Brody scared off a bunch of teenagers from the merry go round at the Whitehouse Park.  They were putting Brody down and trying to make him get off the Merry Go Round.  They were basically acting like he was just too disgusting for them to share the Merry Go Round with him.  Brody stood his ground though and embraced his disgustingness.  He was just healing from a major surgery to his abdomen after a tumor resection.  He had a completely gnarly and disgusting looking scar running from sternum to groin.  It wasn’t pretty to look at, for sure.  He still had the steri strips in place and it looked pretty gross still.  Brody ended up raising his shirt and showing him his scar and edged his body closer and closer to each of the teenagers on the Merry Go Round and basically chased them away with his “scary and disgusting” looking scar.  They all ran off pretending to be too disgusted to stay on the Merry Go Round with Brody.  This was, of course, exactly what Brody wanted.  Brody was laughing uncontrollably at the whole situation that little, tiny Brody scared off the big and scary teenagers all by himself.  Then, he and his brothers gladly enjoyed the Merry Go Round without them. 

Brody Life Lesson Number ten….Don’t sweat the small stuff.  If there is one thing just about everyone who faces cancer learns pretty quickly, it is don’t sweat the small stuff.  Your priorities in life certainly change.  So many petty little things that used to evoke stress just don’t anymore. 

And, finally Brody Life Lesson Number eleven…Remember that you’re going to die one day.   Life is short so we all better get busy living the life we want.

The 14^th Dalai Lama describes Man perfectly.  He said….

“Man.

Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.

Then he sacrifices his money to recuperate his health.

And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;

The result being that he does not live in the present or the future;

He lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived.”

If you remember the Brody Life Lessons, you won’t be the Man defined by the 14^th Dalai Lama.  Remember these Brody Life Lessons and don’t live as though you will never die, then die never having lived. 

I have just spent quite a bit of time talking about all the wonderful life lessons I learned from Brody and how he has changed my life and so many others forever.  I am so thankful for the time I did get to have with Brody and that he has had a very happy life.  But still, there’s no denying that we all would much rather get to spend much more time with Brody.  The pain of this loss will never go away.   They say with time things will get easier.  But right now it just hurts and I imagine it always will. 

And now ask for us all to bow our heads, as I read the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.

Amen

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