Here We Go Again

Brody had a CT Scan on Monday,  April 30th.   We got the devastating news shortly after that Brody's cancer has returned.   Recurrent rhabdomyosarcoma has extremely poor prognosis.   Brody had very aggressive treatment with his initial diagnosis.   The current standard treatments for recurrent rhabdomyosarcoma have outcomes of less than 50% survival at one year from relapse and less than 10% at five years.   We have decided we must consider investigational options.   I have been very busy researching any possible treatment options available and deciding pros and cons of each.   I feel I have a decent understanding of available options at this point.   My next step is to call to schedule Brody to be seen at Memorial Sloan Kettering hospital in New York City.   Dr. Wexler at this hospital is recognized as an expert on rhabdomyosarcoma and especially recurrent rhabdomyosarcoma.   I definitely want his input and second opinion on how best to proceed for Brody.    As far as we know at this point,  Brody's has one localized tumor that is 5 x 3cm and is in the same location as his original tumor.   For comparison,  his tumor was much larger than this when he was initially diagnosed.   His original tumor had to be shrunk with chemo before it could be surgically removed.   Just before this surgery his tumor was 4 x 3cm.   So right now,  his tumor is a little bigger than it was last time before they removed it surgically.  We have not been able to find a surgeon in Toledo yet that is willing to do surgery yet to remove the new tumor.   Studies show surgery and even aggressive surgery is extremely important for his chance of survival.   The surgeons at Memorial Sloan Kettering hospital will be reviewing Brody's case to see if they would be able to operate.     Brody is scheduled to start treatments on Monday.   Dr.  Wexler and Dr. Strunk (our oncologist here in Toledo) are communicating back and forth via phone calls and email regarding next steps for Brody.    Treatment cannot be delayed until after we can be seen in New York City.   His tumor is very rapidly growing (it was not at all visible at his last scan on Jan 25th).   The initial treatment has not yet been decided but of course will be before Monday.   As part of starting treatment,  Brody will be having surgery Monday to have a port placed again for him to receive his treatments through.   I am still in such disbelief that this is happening.   I am soooo angry!  So powerless to stop this.   Why!?  Why!?  Why!?  CANCER SUCKS!
Sorry to my friends and family that have been calling to talk to us about how things are going.   I have not been emotionally stable enough to answer my phone.   I can't talk about all this stuff yet without crying.   I can't even speak when I do start crying.   Please know that we all know we have family that truely loves and supports us.   And I know you are all praying for us.   And,  of course,  it's very much appreciated.  
I so wish I was posting we got another clear scan.   Just cannot believe this is happening. 
I have a feeling I am never going to fall asleep tonight.   Brain please shut-up for just a little while.   I need some zzzzzs.